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How can you put a value on a romantic relationship? 1/7/13

Dear Dr.  κυνικÉS,

My relationship with my girlfriend is priceless to me. I have told her that, many times, over the ten years that we have been living together. That hasn't made much of an impression on her, even though she is bright and educated. She says that if I really loved her, I would give her something that shows how much she means to me.

That sounds so materialistic and tawdry. Obviously, I am more spiritual than she, but our relationship means everything to me. How can I put a dollar value on that? Can you help me? 

Sincerely,
Confused

Dear Confused,

Don't feel bad. She's confused. Apparently, she wants a relationship with you, but cares more about material values than spiritual values. Unfortunately, we don't know how to help you help her become more spiritual. You have our sympathy for what she has put you through.

However, yes, we can help you. First, don't try to put a monetary value on the relationship. Your girlfriend could take this the wrong way. Second, take advantage of new technology. Simply follow this link to a website that can tell you what your girlfriend is worth--and not in money terms, either.

If that doesn't work, this is how they do it in India.

--Dr. Kynικέs

Shopping

Smart shopping 12/24/12

In the sort of economy we've had for the last four or five years, more and more people are trying to stretch their shopping budgets. This is particularly true during the Christmas shopping season.

Like what you see in those PajamaGram commercials, but only got $20 in yo' pocket? Consider doing your Christmas shopping in thrift shops, where 99 cents goes much farther than at Bloomingdales. 

If this appeals to you, we can hook you up with a link to a video that explains most of the thrift-shop scene. Warning#1 : the video's language, while not mean-spirited or violent, delivers its message with a high percentage of sexual slang. If you still want to see the video, click here.